NAS Skeptical About Supposed "First Contact"

[Chuckleberryfinn]

NAS Skeptical About Supposed "First Contact," Believes the Encounter a Likely Hoax or Misinterpretation
By Chuck Finn

Flying-Saucer buffs worldwide celebrated in brotherhood last Sunday as a UFO (Unidentified Flying Object) descended onto the lawn in front of the National Academy of Sciences' headquarters in Washington, DC, but the more 'down to earth' members of the academy remain skeptical about the entire episode.

"It appears that a so-called 'flying saucer,' piloted by 3 small humanoid beings, landed in front of our building last Sunday," remarked a senior member of the organization. "It also appears that they exited the craft, explained its modus operandi, and provided a detailed map of their genetic makeup, which consists of not 4 but 8 base-pairs. They also appeared to locate their home stellar system, Zeta Reticuli B."

Bothered by the general publics' unscientific reaction to the encounter, he emphatically reminded us all that it only appears this way. "We must first analyze the event with the most rigid skepticism possible," he stated.

Senior SETI Astronomer Seth Shostak remarked that "the general public is likely to misconstrue this singularly uneventful occurrence without even considering some of the bigger problems of the supposed encounter."

Asked to elaborate, Dr. Shostak stated that he had scanned Zeta Reticuli B for radio signals 10 year ago without any success. "It is unlikely that intelligent life could have evolved on that planet within a single decade," he stated.

Dr. Roy Callahan supported these probing questions in a press conference last week and even added some of his own. "Those so-called aliens did not even have a single opposable thumb," he reminded the press. "Intelligent life could not possibly develop without opposable thumbs because it could not hold up a pencil to jot down any equations without them."

When a gullible journalist remarked that maybe they had invented rings or bracelets with a lead-tipped writing unit instead of the pencil, Dr. Callahan banged his fist against the podium in protest. "That's preposterous," he said.

A young boy at the press conference, his dreams shattered by the scientific communities' rigid approach, cried. "What were they if they were not extraterrestrials?"

Dr. Roy Callahan reminded the boy that he should not cry like a little baby and just accept reality. "Don't whine," he said. "Reality is as it is. Who the hell are you to try to change that?"

A more sympathetic member of the academy, Dr. John O'Connor, offered his own theory. "The apparent flying saucer could have been just a secret military aircraft, and the occupants were quite obviously just malfunctioning robotic soldier-pilot things."

"Yes," remarked another scientist. "The rule of parsimony demands it."

Another member considered that an organization of angry midgets in alien costumes could have simply equipped a large television projection screen onto a lengthy tandem bicycle-powered helicopter. "This would explain the silence of the apparent craft," he explained. "The midgets were obviously just angry about their lot and eager to take out their aggression on innocent civilians in some hoax-ish form of midget protest."

The Department of Homeland Security has since issued arrest warrants for all midgets, citing the Patriot Act. They now reside at the Guantanamo Bay Military Prison, where they are stored in a room with a doorknob just out of reach.

In his closing statement, Dr. Calahan theorized: "if these explanations are ruled out, we must of course consider the likely possibility that the event was caused by some atmospheric phenomenon so rare that it has never been observed until now."

[Aaron LeClair]

What event are they talking about? Anymore details?

[tommyball]

Ha! That's a good one, Chuckleberry.

-todd.

[RonCollins]

That is the funniest thing I have ever read! Well Done!

[Mogwa]

Originally Posted by Chuckleberryfinn

NAS Skeptical About Supposed "First Contact," Believes the Encounter a Likely Hoax or Misinterpretation
By Chuck Finn

Flying-Saucer buffs worldwide celebrated in brotherhood last Sunday as a UFO (Unidentified Flying Object) descended onto the lawn in front of the National Academy of Sciences' headquarters in Washington, DC, but the more 'down to earth' members of the academy remain skeptical about the entire episode.

"It appears that a so-called 'flying saucer,' piloted by 3 small humanoid beings, landed in front of our building last Sunday," remarked a senior member of the organization. "It also appears that they exited the craft, explained its modus operandi, and provided a detailed map of their genetic makeup, which consists of not 4 but 8 base-pairs. They also appeared to locate their home stellar system, Zeta Reticuli B."

Bothered by the general publics' unscientific reaction to the encounter, he emphatically reminded us all that it only appears this way. "We must first analyze the event with the most rigid skepticism possible," he stated.

Senior SETI Astronomer Seth Shostak remarked that "the general public is likely to misconstrue this singularly uneventful occurrence without even considering some of the bigger problems of the supposed encounter."

Asked to elaborate, Dr. Shostak stated that he had scanned Zeta Reticuli B for radio signals 10 year ago without any success. "It is unlikely that intelligent life could have evolved on that planet within a single decade," he stated.

Dr. Roy Callahan supported these probing questions in a press conference last week and even added some of his own. "Those so-called aliens did not even have a single opposable thumb," he reminded the press. "Intelligent life could not possibly develop without opposable thumbs because it could not hold up a pencil to jot down any equations without them."

When a gullible journalist remarked that maybe they had invented rings or bracelets with a lead-tipped writing unit instead of the pencil, Dr. Callahan banged his fist against the podium in protest. "That's preposterous," he said.

A young boy at the press conference, his dreams shattered by the scientific communities' rigid approach, cried. "What were they if they were not extraterrestrials?"

Dr. Roy Callahan reminded the boy that he should not cry like a little baby and just accept reality. "Don't whine," he said. "Reality is as it is. Who the hell are you to try to change that?"

A more sympathetic member of the academy, Dr. John O'Connor, offered his own theory. "The apparent flying saucer could have been just a secret military aircraft, and the occupants were quite obviously just malfunctioning robotic soldier-pilot things."

"Yes," remarked another scientist. "The rule of parsimony demands it."

Another member considered that an organization of angry midgets in alien costumes could have simply equipped a large television projection screen onto a lengthy tandem bicycle-powered helicopter. "This would explain the silence of the apparent craft," he explained. "The midgets were obviously just angry about their lot and eager to take out their aggression on innocent civilians in some hoax-ish form of midget protest."

The Department of Homeland Security has since issued arrest warrants for all midgets, citing the Patriot Act. They now reside at the Guantanamo Bay Military Prison, where they are stored in a room with a doorknob just out of reach.

In his closing statement, Dr. Calahan theorized: "if these explanations are ruled out, we must of course consider the likely possibility that the event was caused by some atmospheric phenomenon so rare that it has never been observed until now."

Hilarious!
But I'd be careful about using the term "midgets." That's politically incorrect hate speech, which is at least a misdemeanor in most jurisdictions. Since almost all misdemeanor crimes can now legally be classified as acts of terrorism under the Patriot Act, you might find yourself being the roommate of some of those fidget thumbless aliens vacationing in sunny Gitmo.
Oy!

[Aaron LeClair]

It's a spoof ok. So realistic (at least the parts I read), and Seth has made comments like what was mentioned before.

[DanielBrenton]

Originally Posted by Paranormal Packrat

It's a spoof ok. So realistic (at least the parts I read), and Seth has made comments like what was mentioned before.

Paranormal --

You're in good company. I wrote a UFO spoof a little like this a while back called "The Round Files" and the Odd Emperor's Guy Pettingill thought it was serious (and had a long discussion on his blog about it) until I pointed out to him it was a gag.

[Aaron LeClair]

Originally Posted by DanielBrenton

Paranormal --

You're in good company. I wrote a UFO spoof a little like this a while back called "The Round Files" and the Odd Emperor's Guy Pettingill thought it was serious (and had a long discussion on his blog about it) until I pointed out to him it was a gag.

I was drunk when I read it. I have an excuse at least I did wonder if it was a spoof, but it was far from obvious to me. Sad, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was real. A lot of outlandish claims are made. Hard to make an exaggeration in ufology.

[jvhorne]

good very good

[Gil Bavel]

I enjoyed it. You have to have a sense of humor in this field... and it's a lot of fun to poke at Seth Shostak once in a while... He has a good sense of humor about it, as well. It's his best quality.